Grief and Forgiveness


I recently started dating again, after taking almost a year off.  

I’ve had many conversations with several men that would end with, “You sound wonderful but i can tell this isn’t going to work out”, I did meet one person that held my interest. I started talking with him and I enjoyed him and the conversations we had, but I also knew something was up when he started canceling our dates. Although I was surprised, I was not that surprised when he broke up with me completely out of left field (he used those words himself) over a text.   We had been talking for a couple of months.

I love what he did for himself that day he sent me that text. I respect him completely because he was so self loving, and respectful to both him and I, and he was honest as well as vulnerable.  It was really quite beautiful and for me, it brought up many feelings to feel.   I paid attention to what he said and staring out at me from his words was the universal experience.     He told me that he wasn’t over his ex and it was keeping him from moving forward in his life.   He was not available for me.   He said he was struggling.   We all go through that sometimes.   No matter who you are or where you are from,  you will have to breathe your way through letting go of something you would rather not let go of.   We all walk the path of  forgiveness and letting go.

Here is how I do it.

When I speak about forgiveness I’m not speaking of forgetting what happened, I’m speaking about really going in and feeling it. I’m not talking about spiritual bypassing either. I’m talking about finding the truth. I’m talking about feeling what’s right there and not changing it. I’m talking about changing a definition. Forgiveness is not about processing, or analyzation or right or wrong. For me, forgiveness happens in the body. To forgive is to drop into a feeling. My experience has always been that forgiveness lives at the end of feeling a feeling. What I always find behind all the anger and all the walls is grief.

Feel what’s there. Take time to grieve.

This will allow space for you to open yourself up to something new.

Until you grieve your past, you will grieve your life.